Lock In and lack of sleep

The lock in was a pretty good time. We had a lot more spiritual talks and breakaway sessions than I'm used to in a lock in. Most lock ins I've gone to are all about fun and nothing else. So with this lock in we had a dating panel where some of the couples and single people from our project took questions about dating. It was good to hear perspectives from other people on dating and relationships in general. Then I went to a breakaway session where some guys from project talked about a guy that tragically died on a missions trip. They talked about his passion and how on fire he was for the Lord. So unfortunately I spent the rest of the lock in feeling guilt and shame about passion and passivity.

I felt shame that I wasn't passionate about Christ in the past. I've tended to be a very laid back guy and never wanted to take any steps of faith and share the gospel. I have found that its not really that hard since I've been here on project. I have been praying for passion to come into my life and I feel that God is working in that and I can feel more passion for God then I ever have but I want to have more passion for the lost. I also struggled with realizing that I haven't lead Kaitlin in the best Godly way for the past few months. I just want to make sure that I lead correctly and don't get too emotionally attached to her. I need to put God first. I understand why its so hard to have a Christ-centered relationship with a girl now. Its so hard to keep God in front of someone who you really like.

But today and last night talkin to my roommate I've experienced grace in that. I know that Satan is the root of the shame and guilt because I know that isn't of God. I realized that I shouldn't feel guilty about the past and I should focus on my future in Christ. I think if I just focus on loving God and growing in that then I loving others and Kaitlin will come naturally. I just want to continue to lead well and take steps of faith to share the gospel.

So overall had some guilt and shame but grace has kept me from staying in that state of mind. I tend to beat myself up too much so I really like how God's grace makes me feel. It makes life less pressure filled because I realize that I don't have to perform for God.

Ginger out